Thursday, April 29, 2010

7 Mistakes Newlyweds make...

Ok, so while I will continue to post some random things, I have decided to kind of go with the them of my life as a newlywed and of course progress as life goes on. So...that being said, do any of you visit It is a great website. I was reading an article about the 7 mistakes even the smartest couples make and wanted to share it.

Mistake #1: Not Dealing With Debt
Newsflash: Money is the #1 thing couples fight about. Fess up about your personal debt -- because for better or worse -- and then set up a financial game plan with our budgeter. - this is so true, see Allan and I both put it right out there in the open at the begining. Yes, I have student loans and he had a bit of credit card debt that we have managed to whittle down. We both saw eachother's credit scores and knew exactly what we were getting into.

Mistake #2: Alienating Your Friends
Friends are key for a successful marriage, so tag along on those girls' nights out. Just because you're not guy-hunting doesn't mean you can't be a supportive wingwoman.- Completely agree, most of our friends are either married or in serious relationships, so a lot of times we all go out together which is great too!

Mistake #3: Not Having Enough Sex
Over 60 percent of newlyweds we surveyed were already in a sex rut! Yeah, you're busy, but that's not a good enough excuse not to get busy. Initiate sex, even if you don't feel like it or have to schedule it. If you get in the habit of having it, you'll start wanting it (and liking it) more. - This is so true, you have got to keep the relationship strong and this connection is important.

Mistake #4: Letting Yourself Go
So you put on the "newlywed nine." Big've already found your mate, right? Wrong! Make a plan to get fit together or at least respect each other's goals. - Again, I agree. Allan and I definitely put on some pounds when we first met, and we recently started getting much better about hitting the gym. This was something I did religously before we met and something that makes me feel less stressed and healthier. I mean we both like to eat, so we need to work out. And people who let themselves go are asking for trouble. Yes, you love eachother for what's inside and you should stick together through thick and thin (literally), but attraction is a part of a relationship wether people want to admit it or not. Help your partner, I don't ever want to get too heavy, so I have told Allan if I ever start getting over a certain weight, take the food out of my mouth, and on days where he doesn't really want to go to the gym I tell him, "c'mon, it is only an hour and we are done." Motivate Eachother!

Mistake #5: Outlawing the In-Laws
Fifty percent of couples we surveyed have a problematic relationship with their in-laws (ya think?). Manage expectations, like saying you'll call on Sundays so his mom doesn't guilt-trip you for ignoring her weekday messages. Even if your spouse is bitching about his family, resist the urge to chime in. It'll bite you in the butt later. A lot of couples have this problem. Allan and I both put eachother first over everyone else, including our parents so we are dealing with this fine (for now), but we do make efforts to call his parents at least once a week because they live far away and we try to make sure we see both my families a couple times a month as well, so far so good. I think as long as you put eachother as #1, it will be fine.

Mistake #6: Crazy Fighting
Getting hitched isn't a free pass to hit below the belt (sorry!). When you're getting really heated, walk away to cool down for a few minutes. Lately, we have struggled with this. All the stress of work, planning a wedding, etc. have made us both a little moody and we have said things we don't mean. We try not to do it and need to do better, but sometimes it does happen. Stop and think before you say something, you never know how it will hurt your partner.

Mistake #7: Becoming Baby-Obsessed
It's easy to fixate on that next big step, but chill out -- the average couple has a kid within three years of marriage. So really, why rush? Savor the moments (and vacations you can take!) now...when you won't have to be waking up for a brutal 4 a.m. feeding. Well, this may be a mistake we are making. We are not obsessed, not visiting a doctor or worrying yet, but we are ready when it happens and will be super excited. We have family close by and we are not afraid of leaving our baby with a sitter, so we have made a promise that we will continue to make time to travel and that we will make time for eachother. Some people are probably saying, "yeah right, dream on", but you know that is them and this is us and we will do what we say and everything will be fine. :)

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