Tuesday, April 5, 2011

First post from my IVF journal- 12/8/2010

Recently, Allan and I found out that it was going to be very difficult for us to have a baby the old fashion way, it was devastating. As a couple, we have always known we wanted to expand our family sooner rather than later and this news broke our hearts. I know there are other options, artificial insemination (which is the route we knew we would take), and adoption (which just wasn’t in my heart). Ever since I can remember I have known I wanted kids one day. A few years ago I even made a little inside promise to myself that if I didn’t meet the right guy by a certain point in my life, I would do it by myself. Then, God answered my prayers introducing me to Allan and we fell in love. We both had our careers set, we had a beautiful home, and we were in love, why wouldn’t we want to start our family?

Why was this happening to us? It wasn’t fair, or at least it didn’t feel like it. My whole life, I had tried my hardest to do the right things, I don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, hardly drink, I exercise..I mean, why can we not have a baby. It turned out the problem wasn’t me, which was a relief b/c it is harder to diagnose, but it was our problem. We started down the series of tests and doctors and finally made it to the male infertility specialist. After a series of even more tests, we got some considerably good news. Allan’s issue was reversible through surgery and wasn’t going to stop us from having babies, just weren’t going to be able to do it the “old fashion” way. Now comes the questions…do we wait and have the surgery & see how long it takes for the problem to correct itself? Do we just go through with the IVF and not worry about the surgery? Do we have the surgery and do the IVF and hope for our 2nd baby to be natural? Decisions, decisions. We asked the doctor his advice, but of course they cannot really offer their opinion on these types of things, they can only educate you. Needless to say, we have a very strong case of baby fever, I am an emotional wreck, I am not sleeping well and I have already started preparing myself for IVF, so we decide to go to the IVF doctor and schedule Allan for surgery. Our first appointment with the IVF Doctor is in 2 days and I am full of emotions: excited, nervous, scared as hell, anxious, etc.

I am asking myself, can 1 really have it all? I have a great job, an amazing husband, a wonderful family, now I am just asking praying to the lord to please bless us with a baby. I know it is all up to his master plan.

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